Yours in a Dream

*My fingers started melting away,
But why does it feel good?
If you knew the old me,
Would you still be with me?
Would you still believe my words?

The way I looked at things,
The way I looked at you,
A tangle of questions, never undone.

I've always loved you,
Only the shape of it changed.
First, a wildfire—burning, consuming.
Then embers—slow, aching, real.

Have I always been delusional?
Maybe. Maybe not.

In my dreams, we were together.
I loved you, and you loved me.
No.
You loved yourself, always have.
And me? A shadow slipping through your world.

Let’s meet tonight.
Come in your black tuxedo,
And I will wear a red dress.

Do you know why?
To bare my bruised heart, to lay it in your hands.
But I expect nothing,
Not anymore.

Hurt too many times,
So not anymore.

But baby, what you don’t realize is.
Tonight, you will be mine.*

-- Anushka

#longform #freeverse

परवाना और शमा

*When your eyes speak differently from your mouth,
And perhaps your destiny seeks something else—
Or may I say, revenge.

The first time I saw you,
वो इश्क़ था।
शायद क़िस्मत हमसे शिक़ायत करती थी,
जो हमारे सपने तोड़ने में लगी थी।

इश्क़ हमारे पेशे का क़ैदी था।
फिर भी एक बार कोशिश करना चाहेंगे।

एक बार देख लीजिए,
दीवाना बना दीजिए।
जलने को हैं तैयार हम,
परवाना बना दीजिए।

हमें लगता था,
क्या पता, ज़िंदगी कहीं हमारा साथ दे दे।
मगर तवज्जो की बात है—
२५ सालों में एक बार भी नहीं।

और आज,
जो एक चीज़ मांगी थी भगवान से,
वो भी छीन ली गई।
शायद इश्क़ के साथ,
भगवान का भी इम्तिहान था।

- अनुष्का*#hinglish #ishq

Estranged

*Today, once again,
all of it came back to me—
the memories,
the shattered pieces
I could no longer keep with me,
because they pricked my heart.

I always tried
not to let go of you,
of our bond,
but all of it
is unbearable for me.
I can't do it anymore.

It was beautiful in the start.
I was happy back then,
but now it’s just me.
I feel lonely even in a crowd.
I know so many,
yet I feel estranged,
every time.

I thought it would last long,
but seeing you now,
I realize it was me
carrying it all—
and nobody else.

You never cared for me.
Or did you?
I can't figure it out anymore.
Tears fall without reason,
and I don't know why
I’m even writing this.

I’ve been hurt
so many times,
I’ve lost count.

Not anymore.
I will piece myself together.
Without you.*

- Anushka

#freeverse #musings

The Blur of Knowing

*I don’t know,
I'm struggling to answer,
It's like an existential crisis,
but I’m not sure what it’s about.

Now that my glasses are off,
I see they blurred my vision.
I believed in things
that were never there,
or only from my side.

But now,
I don’t know.
Friendships are strange.
You never know
if they’re real,
you might say you do,
but do you really?

Friendships feel like fog—
sometimes real,
sometimes imagined.
Do we ever know
who sees us clearly?

All I’ve realized
is that it’s okay
to be with yourself.
You might not be
anyone’s first,
or even second,
and that’s fine,
because you were never
competing in the first place.

I might say all this,
but we know,
realization and acceptance
are not the same.
I can say it all,
yet not accept any of it.

Right now,
I have no conclusion,
but I hope
to find the answer soon.*

- Anushka#longform #musings

Shattered Echoes
 It was tragic, a tragic romance,
She fell for him, too quickly entranced.
But did he return her love?
When he did, it was too late.

The days, the nights, longing for him,
A sadness only she could swim.
The lights were closing in on her,
Perhaps she started liking the dimness somewhere.

Now that only it was everywhere,
Pining for years, everything a blur,
Only to learn they were never meant to be.
Her heart shattered, in pieces too small to see.
- Anushka

#freeverse #musings

Shattered and Unbroken

*The ground was shaking,
My heart's pounding,
Asking for release,
Yet I couldn't give in.
All the pieces, though broken, were still me.
My soul.

It asked me to say something,
But I couldn't utter a word.
My thoughts were spiraling,
I seemed confused,
But I knew one thing for sure:
Who I am.
I could still shine through.

I just needed something, someone,
To pierce through the darkness.
To illuminate my path,
To become my lightbearer.*

- Anushka

#freeverse #micropoetry

Draft • 04

The efforts were always from my side..
For once I am expecting something from you
For now it's your choice
To stay or let go..

- Anushka
.
.
#musings

Strings of Fate

*Apparently, My Words Weren't Enough.
My Truths, My Lies,
My Perfections, My Imperfections
All Felt Heavy at the Same Moment.

Is This How It Feels?
To Be Overwhelmed by Darkness,
To Have Drowned So Deeply
That You Cannot See the Light Anymore.

So It All Began That Day
When I Met You,
Accidentally, or Perhaps Not.

Will I Say It Was Bad That I Met You?
No, Perhaps Not.
Destiny Won't Change.
I Do Believe in That—
That the Strings Will Pull Us Together.

But My String Wasn't Attached to You.
- Anushka*

#freeverse #longform