I mean what's the point if you're not loved, right?

It seems like i can never develop my camera or buy new rolls. I desperately wish for a type writer and new all-star shoes, red ones, and I wish for a different soul and a different body. I want to ditch college at once and work at somewhere pouring coffee.
But I can't do any of those. I can't bring my book coffee cinnamon milk back.
I miss the days I smoked only for the style. The way I glanced at cars being stuck in the traffic, or moving like a star in highway roads. But I wasn't alone back then. I had a friend, a taste for jazz and a desire to cycle.
How can one get all those desires back?