before "let us instead do this once again as partners" / after "my partner died in this room"

‘you were never broken, viktor. there is beauty in imperfections. they made you who you are.’

started to smoke again, ‘i can quit anytime now’ as it always go with cigarettes, bad choices and a job i hate. magically you don’t, even after a day, a month or a whole year.
started to sleep less or too much. and i know what i’m doing, don’t ask me. not now. not later too.
started to eat everything that i can. i can always go back to square one because it’s my body and my choice. even sometimes is all i want is to clean my insides.
apathy likes to keep me company, sometimes it loves to hug me from the back, just how i like it and all i do is lie all day in his arms when he keeps to hold me.
i have so many choices but unfortunately i’m too in love with comfort of everything that i could become but wouldn’t. don’t ask me about it now and later too. their arms is just so warm.

babe. be real with me. if i were a plain little rock on a beach would you pick me up and turn me over in your hand and marvel over how wonderfully ordinary i am. like really take the time to ponder how there isn't necessarily anything special about me but that the very deed of choosing me out of countless other rocks raises me to a precious, almost sacred level of irreplaceability that is only accessible through the act of being seen and loved?