and I often think no word could describe the depth of what you go through; all it takes is a hand to delicately carve the layers, the skin, the flesh, the bones, just to get there and grasp the pain that was once a beating a heart.

I don’t want to see your worth
Wrap it up, hide it away from me
No, I don’t see that much at all these days
And I wonder if you’re the same
I don’t want to feel you out
Decipher every word out of your mouth
No, I don’t feel that much at all these days
And I wonder if you’re the same.

I want you to realize that a heart isn't your mom's vase that you broke at 4, put the pieces under the table and hoped it would get a repair whenever you turn your head around. I want you to know that the pieces will forever be this way, torn apart, broken, shattered, scattered, wrecked and ruined, and regardless of how perfectly you put them back together and glue the parts, the places you've touched will forever ache as cruelty trails.

it all begins when you realize the empty places don't open up a hole in your chest the way they used to, when you suddenly notice you didn't remain in those places either where certain things have been left undone, you didn't just sit and wait with your hands under your chin going back and forth the memories that continue to fade out with each passing day. life moves on and so do you. details that used to give you a hard time forgetting and forgiving don't just trigger you anymore, it's like your whole body has made a defensive barrier against all the things that made you feel insecure about who you've been instead of what you should've or could've been. this is where you know it all has finally come to an end while going away for a whole new start.

ژینا گیان تۆ نامری ناوت ئەبێتە ره‌مز.

https://youtu.be/XfW0ke4bwI4?si=GG6C2HSCqT2uE7AS

YouTube

Nine Inch Nails - Pinion

Music video by Nine Inch Nails performing Pinion. (C) 1992 TVT/ Interscope Records

"tenderness is death."

https://youtu.be/XFo332Y5uIA?si=Zf-cA5sxEQk-JwFc

https://youtu.be/XFo332Y5uIA?si=Zf-cA5sxEQk-JwFc

YouTube

Anathema — Untouchable