Aynan qayerda shunday tuyilyapti?

Tanangiz bilan ancha yil alohida odamdek yashagan boʻlsangiz, birdaniga gapiga ishonib ketishingiz qiyin boʻlishi mumkin.

Xuddi oʻzingizni aldayotgandek his berishi mumkin. Ishonib koʻring, keyin his qilsangiz tanangiz nimadirlar deydi bir yerlaringizda bosim boʻlishi, ogʻriq, yoki yengillik.

Oʻzingizni aldoqchidek his qilsangiz, oʻsha paytda tanangizga quloq solib koʻring. Nafasingizga e’tibor bering. Olib-chiqaring. Olib-chiqaring.

Darsingiz ahamiyatini ham koʻrib chiqing. Rostdan u Sizga ayni paytda kerakmi? Ehtiyojingiz darajasi qanday? Imkoniyatingiz doirasichi?

Shularni oʻylab koʻring 🩶

@globalstudentt

Men erkaklar bilan ishlamasam ham, umumiy kuzatuvlarimdan bilaman-ki, bunday erkaklar koʻp. Bunday emaslarini barmoq bilan sanash mumkin xolos 😄

Ishonmayman, tan olmayman deb Sizga savol berayotgan boʻlsa, demak tushuntirishga harakat qilib koʻrsa boʻladi. Shunchaki, savoliga javob berib. Nimanidir isbotlashingiz shart emas, ilm ochiq oydin.

Men yaqinlarimga birdan psixologdek gapirishni boshlayman, oʻzlari his qilishni boshlaganlarida esa — mana shu terapiya boʻladi, deyishim mumkin. Tajribada sinab koʻrishadi oʻzlari sezmasdan 🥳

@globalstudentt

Psixoterapevt mijozga, uning hislariga ana oʻsha devor vazifasini oʻtaydi, deb koʻrsak boʻlarmikan? Bu analogiyani boshqa insonlar bilan munosabatingizda ham kuzatib koʻrish mumkin. Siz haqingizda tasavvurga ega boʻlmagan odam Sizga nisbatan har xil hislarni…

An ambiguous choice

Whether I realise it or not, I have to pay. Sometimes the loss of stability and the usual way of life, sometimes the hostility of others towards me, sometimes the anxiety of my loved ones, sometimes the complete loss of important relationships.

As in any choice, choosing myself, I refuse something or someone else - I commit some kind of betrayal, with which I then have to be somehow. When it comes to close or very significant people and things, these prices are extremely high.

And it is the willingness or unwillingness to pay them - not always realised - that becomes decisive in my choices.

It's definitely very difficult for me, but at the same time it's very clear - to leave a job that you hate, to end a relationship in which it's unbearable, to change the place of residence when there are ruins around. All this is associated with a certain point of despair. At the moment it is very painful, but by and large there is nothing to lose.

Sometimes it is despair (if you are lucky and get a little angry) that becomes a huge resource to make radical decisions, act and fundamentally change something.

I am familiar with this feeling, but much more often I encounter a more ambiguous choice.

Recently, I suddenly articulated for myself that globally I am a person of the comfort zone. I look back and realise that I was almost always ok. Not space, not bottom, but really hard ok - and that's a lot. To be able to live with a sense of sufficiency is already a serious value, I see around many examples of those for whom it is not available.

And from this follows one thing. I always have something to lose.

In a state when "everything is fine" on all points, there is essentially nothing to complain about, life is organised, and there are really a lot of good things in it, the prices for solutions are very high.

Moreover, I can't always rationally explain to myself what exactly is going wrong, what I missed - only in the background, barely perceptible itches feeling that I'm living the wrong life. I don't live.

Once it was this wording that really sobered me up. It became terribly scary for me to imagine myself in ten, twenty, fifty years, waking up in the realisation that I was not alive.

For me, self-election is about it.

These are always leaps of faith. There are risks and no guarantees. Changing something does not always equal improving it. This is closely linked to personal responsibility and my willingness or unwillingness to pay the price and deal with the consequences. I'm definitely not always ready. It can be very scary to refuse, to destroy, to demand, to leave in order to choose myself. But I really want to and I'm learning to proceed from this. I want to believe that in ten, twenty, fifty years, wherever I am, I will be able to look back and say to myself - this was my life, and it was worth it.

Author: Anna Khairadinova

What choices do you find easy and what choices are difficult? Are there choices that you are absolutely sure were right and ones that were unsuccessful? Share in the comments@globalstudentt

Komfort zonasi yomon deya o'zi mamnun bo'lgan ishini tashlab, sevgan shahrini tark etib, yaxshi munosabatlarini ham shubha ostiga qo'yadiganlar bor. Bu vaziyatning sababi yanayam yaxshirog'iga erishish kerakligiga nisbatan to'xtovsiz kutuvdir. Holbuki, inson…

Komfort zonasi yomon deya o'zi mamnun bo'lgan ishini tashlab, sevgan shahrini tark etib, yaxshi munosabatlarini ham shubha ostiga qo'yadiganlar bor. Bu vaziyatning sababi yanayam yaxshirog'iga erishish kerakligiga nisbatan to'xtovsiz kutuvdir. Holbuki, inson hayotida o'zgarish va barqarorlik davrlari mavjud. Tashqi dunyoda o'zgarish ro'y berdi degani, barcha kuch va e'tibor shundog'am moslashish/adaptatsiyaga sarflanishini anglatadi. Barqarorlik davrlari esa o'zgarish paytida sodir bo'layotgan narsalarni hazm qilish, ruhiyatingizga chuqurlashish, nima bo'layotganini tushunish va qabul qilish, o'zingizga tin olish uchun ajratiladigan zarur, ichki dunyoda muvozanatlanish vaqtlaridir. Agar tashqarida doimiy o'zgarish bo'lsa, yashash va fikrlash o'rtasidagi tartib buziladi. Siz yuzakilashib, yanayam yaxshirog'i tomon tezlashib borasiz, biroq yashashni unutasiz.

Şüle Üncü, klinik psikolog

@niktofilist