first, it is I that is body
then it is I that is energy
then it is I that is emptiness
after it is no I but energy,
and then no I but emptiness
finally, that is all at once and/or nothing whatsoever

You will find this sutra in Netra Tantra: “I am not and there is no other”.

A great sutra to meditate upon as Shivaratri is approaching. For me this sutra points to non-duality. Take away non-duality from this world and you are left with lecturers, PhDs of this world, educators who write thousands of pages on cross-citation of sacred texts most of them having zero understanding of the mysterious experience. Philosopher, doctor of science, or journalist cannot comprehend what is “I am not” and at the same time “there is no other”. Because “I am not” or death of I destroys the foundation of their ego-centric mind-driven world. No I equals death for them. And where there is the death of scholar, there is the birth for yogin.

When I am not, and there is no other [object of meditation] - everything just starts, it is not where it ends.

Non duality is experience that every of us is student of Absolute, and every of us is Absolute, all at the same time. Realized knowledge of this fact is state of yoga. Happy upcoming Shivaratri!

Energy at any given moment of time is flowing freely. The obstacles on its way are created by the egoistic thoughts and actions. The free flow of energy is connected with free will.

Free will has a place when intent and therefore the action doesn’t create obstacles on the path of energy.

It is seen on level of body as when energy has an easy and free flow in energy channels (nadis).

Free will is the state when prana or energy is going through central channel and individual consciousness is of no difference with universal one.

The path to free will starts at the point where one stops multiplying suffering in this world.

What is your take on the money? What is it in your life?

Absolute can’t be seen with eyes, heard with ears, touched with hands, tasted with tongue or smelled with nose. But Absolute [God, Shiva, Alakh…] can be sensed

Absolute can be felt with open eyes, with food in mouth, with songs in ears. But not by those 5 senses.

Then what is the “6th sense”? How come we can experience the state of totality or state of emptiness if our original 5 senses are not designed to feel it?

We can achieve state of totality because all the five senses are inside of the sixth one - inside of the consciousness. Consciousness is the silent observer, hidden from the eye, ear, tongues, hand, and nose. Consciousness reveals itself in the form of states [not emotions].

While 5 sense are directly connected to mind, consciousness is beyond mind. Mind is in consciousness not the other way around.

Spiritual growth is a path to unlocking ourselves as the form of consciousness in first place, and recognize mind as a mere instrument.

In Nath tradition there is state beyond mind called turya and one “extra” state described by Gorakhnath called turyatitta. As Guruji Matsyendranath explains, turiya is a state beyond mind on the level of consiousness as Shakti, turyattita is state of cosmic consciousness known as Shiva. It is a realization that is possible by the grace of middle path (way of sushumna).

Some traditions don’t differentiate turya and turyatitta. But it is most important what your Guru tells you, because your path is the path of your Guru and the whole parampara preceding you.

Once my Guru joked that in Nath tradition sushumna is “inherited” from one generation of yogis to another. As if disciples “receives” sushumna in form of heritage. Obviously, it is not the sushumna but the experience of sushumna. In a way it is not a joke at all. If your Teacher follows Christianity, Buddhism, or modern religion, you will be inheriting what the Teacher achieved and the states he or she realized.

On the topic of ego

First thing to understand is - ego doesn’t care about anything in this world. Ego is only focused on itself. Ego provokes mind to care about the things. And mind, like a well-trained dog, runs out-there into the world in a search of entertainment for ego. Outwards oriented mind can get busy a lot, it is rajasic (active). Inwards focused mind will be searching from within, in its own illusions. Inwards oriented mind simply exists in tamasic (slow and passive) states by looking mostly into nowhere.

Most egos want to have their happy moments, some egos choose suffering. In fact there are many examples when suffering is a constant choice of ego.

Modern psychology and its tools aims to satisfy ego. Spirituality is a path beyond the limits of ego, spirituality cultivates ability to observe ego and silence ego-mind activity. And ultimately, yoga’s goal is to become free from influences of ego-mind games. My Guru says that when we are in tamasic state of mind we should adopt rajasic activities and then balance ourselves to achieve sattvic state (interim). In sattva the realization of yoga states is possible. From here we go into turiya (state beyond the mind).

Identification is an ultimate survival mechanism. We identify ourselves with the groups of people by nationality, gender, belief or even ice-cream preference. Belonging to a group provides comfort of existence. It is easier to survive together as a group than one by one. Identification is our ego’s favorite game, cause it loves to identify itself. And mind will use any identification to satisfy ego.

Yoga practice is dissolution, de-identification which is also known as mind-destroying. Sounds terrifying? It is not terrifying. Mind is not destroyed, it is freed from its own limits.

The only identification that yogi retains is unity (identification) with Absolute. I’d better call it dissolution in Absolute.

On a path of spirituality one needs to de-identify even with tradition, religion, spirituality itself, because those are usually structures of mind. But it happens on later stages, it comes eventually without any effort. On the early stages identification with tradition is a saving mechanism, these become sanskaras that help break chains of Maya.

Nath yogis accept and understand any tradition and religion, because we look beyond the horizon of social construct or identifications.

To start this process of dissolution of identity, one needs first to see identities that live in mind.

A friend of mine had been under lot of stress lately. She had 2 panic attacks last month. So she called me to ask for an advice because, as she said: “yogis should know how to calm down”. I’m not an expert in panic attacks but indeed there are some exercises that could help find balance. I will share here a simple practice that is attainable by anyone.

This exercise takes up to 30 seconds and should be practiced every day at least for a week if you never have tried it before.

Take a comfy position. Inhale with the bottom of your belly. Remember, when you were born, this is how you used to breath - with the bottom of your belly (also known as diaphragmatic breathing). Your chest remains calm only your belly moves.

Observe the most subtle air coming into your nostrils. You don’t need a lot of air, what is flowing into you - is enough. The problem with panic attacks is that it looks like if you can’t breath. So teach yourself with this exercise to simply observe air coming through your nostrils.

Now exhale and mentally slowly say “Ten”.

Inhale again. Remember you are practicing diaphragmatic breathing. Don’t force the air flow. Let body drink air bit by bit, remember only to feel the thin flow of the air entering your nostrils. Maybe you will pause for a moment, maybe not. Let the body do what is best.

Now exhale, easy without forcing air flow. When exhaling, mentally slowly say “Nine”.

Repeat and keep counting down. Some people start crying at “seven” or “two”. Some don’t. Some feel release after first breath, just keep breathing till you get down to “one”.

You can do this exercise anytime any place.

With practice it came. For me there is no difference between the words yoga, Guru, God, religion, tradition, existence, Universe.

Sometimes there is no difference for me between all the previous words and also the words stone, tree, ant, bird.

But there is difference in the words ignorance (avidya) and knowledge (vidya). Between the knowledge (vidya) and higher knowledge (paravidya). With practice this difference is impossible not to feel.

Without higher knowledge we are like new-born still-blind puppies who only navigate by smelling mother’s milk. Later with the milk (nectar, amrita) of or in spiritual growth we develop and start seeing, learning. All until we are able to make our own steps in the world.

I wish for everyone for higher truth to prevail and the cover of avidya which is Maya to dissolve in the light of consciousness. And this, by no means, is a poetic rhetoric. It is exactly how the process looks like.