https://youtube.com/shorts/l8B_DMkpdYE?si=y0uVMA3sPKjgn0cv

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So, if we take this back to our vehicle metaphor. Let's say that when we're self-sabotaging, our motivational vehicle is stalling out or malfunctioning.

So, if we learn how to be a motivational mechanic, we can diagnose the problem.

For example, in real life... if your car stalls out, it can stall for a variety of reasons… maybe the battery died, or maybe there’s a bad alternator… or maybe not enough fuel… or maybe the engine is blown.

And a good mechanic will be able to figure out what's wrong with the car and causing it to stall out. And then the mechanic can fix the problem at the roots.

And this is what we want to aim for when it comes to dealing with self-sabotage!

We want to become a good mechanic for our motivational vehicle so that we can figure out what's causing us to stall out and fix the problem at its roots.
BUT often times, people are the VERY OPPOSITE of a good motivational mechanic.

And they just diagnose the problem as "laziness" or "weakness" or "not trying hard enough".

And then, they just add more force of will. And they try to brute force through the issue of self-sabotage.

(No judgment here as I've been this person too before I learned how to become a good motivational mechanic.)

They reckon that they're just being lazy or weak and not putting their foot down on the gas pedal hard enough or not cranking the key in the ignition with enough force.

And of course, if you saw someone trying to fix a problem with their car by hitting the gas pedal harder or turning the key with more force, you'd think that person was being incredibly silly.

But this is how people often orient to problems with self-sabotage because we are not taught how and why self-sabotage arises. And many problems with self-sabotage arise from the Shadow.
- Emerald
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Hello

Self-sabotage can be one of the most frustrating and upsetting things in the world because it stands in the way of your goals and dreams.

It's like being 20 feet away from the finish line while you're walking waist-deep through quickly drying cement.

Or like you're trying to run a race with an invisible elastic band pulling you backwards.

But luckily, there is a solution to self-sabotage!

And to explain this solution, I'm going to share with you an analogy.

I want you to imagine that you’re trying to drive your vehicle to a certain destination, but the vehicle keeps malfunctioning and stalling out. And let’s say in this analogy, that it's one of those new-fangled self-driving cars and the vehicle even malfunctions to the point where it begins steering you to different destinations than the ones you intend to get to.

And because of this, you feel like you may not be able to reach your desired destination at all.

So, what is the solution?

Well, the solution to the vehicle problem is to hire a mechanic… or better yet to BECOME a mechanic!

And to become a mechanic, you have to learn about all the parts and systems underneath the hood of the vehicle that make it go.

So, you start learning to be a mechanic and you learn that the engine converts the fuel into energy so that the vehicle can move.

And you learn that fuel in the form of gasoline is needed to be converted to energy.

And then you learn that the radiator disperses water and antifreeze to keep the engine from over-heating…. Which ensures that the engine doesn’t burn out and get damaged.

And you learn that before the fuel hist the engine, it mixes with air and goes to the carburator to ignite the engine.

And so on and so on.

But most of all, you learn that the vehicle is able to move forward because there is a whole complex system of parts that work together to keep your car moving. And if there is a malfunction in any of these parts and systems, your car will malfunction or stall out.

And we can apply this principle to motivation and self-sabotage as well!

To motivate yourself towards a specific goal or dream, all of your physical, behavioral, psychological, emotional, and mental motivational systems have to be working together in tandem in a way that brings you forward towards your goal.

Here are a few things you need to keep your motivation "vehicle" moving forward...
Fuel - ...in the form of intrinsic positive reinforcement. This means, it's important to take ownership of and celebrate your small wins in a way that produces dopamine... which creates more motivation, energy, and momentum towards you goal.
A Big Lofty Goal - I call this The North Star as it's not a destination that you can reach in one lifetime. But it serves as a navigational tool to ensure you're moving in the direction of what you really want. It has to be big and compelling and something that you're willing to invest in for decades.
Achievable Actionable Intermittent Goals - These are small, medium, and large action-oriented goals that will bring you in the direction of your North Star.
These are the bare basics of motivation. And without these things, there won't be enough clarity, direction, or fuel in your talk to move forward towards your goals. And you won't have the stick-with-it-ness to pull yourself through to the end.

But beyond these motivation basics, is the self-sabotaging systems that get in the way of motivation... even if all three of these elements that I listed above are present.

And we can self-sabotage for a variety of reasons... though the reasons are finite and not endless. You can learn about them all and master them all.

We can self-sabotage for fear that achieving our goals will lead to painful, uncomfortable or traumatic situations.

We can self-sabotage because our goals are out of alignment with what we truly want in our heart of hearts.

We can self-sabotage because we fear that if we meet our goals we will lose connection with people in our lives.

And there are other reasons as well.