📌 The second version: 8.0-8.5 (I refined the essay above using ChatGPT)

*It has become increasingly common for people to seek employment in large companies. I believe that working for such businesses allows employees to advance their careers more quickly and earn higher salaries while also experiencing greater pressure and having less time for family or personal life.

On the one hand, large companies provide an environment conducive to faster career progression. Unlike small businesses, they tend to have abundant financial resources, allowing them to create an appealing work environment and organize seminars or meetings with leading industry professionals. Additionally, they employ more specialists with extensive experience, offering employees greater opportunities to learn and develop their skills. These factors enable staff to advance in their careers more quickly. Furthermore, large corporations typically offer higher salaries. It is well known that such organizations have more critical roles and, therefore, provide greater financial rewards to their employees.

On the other hand, working for large companies often comes with significant pressure. First, job competition is intense, meaning that those who secure a position may constantly fear job loss. Greater responsibility also means that even minor mistakes can result in being replaced. Moreover, the higher the salary, the greater the expectations for performance and productivity, requiring employees to work significantly harder. This can sometimes lead to mental and physical health issues.

Beyond workplace pressure, employees in large companies often struggle to balance their personal and professional lives. Heavy workloads and increased responsibilities frequently require them to work late. In Uzbekistan, for instance, bank employees face excessive workloads at the end of the year or before holidays, sometimes staying at the office overnight. As a result, they may not have enough time for their families or even for self-care in extreme cases.

Overall, while working for large businesses provides advantages in career growth and financial gain, it also brings heightened pressure and reduced personal time.*

308 words.

What makes it Band 8.0-8.5 are:

#BetterLexicalResource
#MoreNaturalPhrasings

#AttentionToDetail 🗣️

✈️ @joseph_school

➡️ I wrote this essay today in an online class with my students, then refined it three times.

📌 The first version, Band 7.5-8.0:

*It has become far more common for people to seek employment in large companies. I assume that working for large businesses enables employees to develop their careers more quickly and earn a higher income while simultaneously bringing greater pressure and leaving less time for family or personal life.

On the one hand, being in a large company environment allows for more rapid career advancement. Unlike small businesses, large companies tend to have abundant financial resources, which enables them to create a more desirable working space and hold a range of seminars or meetings with leading professionals in their fields. In addition, large businesses often have more employees with specialized expertise and years of experience in their field than their smaller counterparts. These factors mean that their staff have the potential to advance in their careers more quickly. Furthermore, being employed in large companies enables people to earn more. It is no secret that such organizations have more critical positions and thus offer higher remuneration to their staff.

On the other hand, working for large companies can involve greater pressure. First, each position attracts many applicants, so the one who is accepted may constantly worry about losing their job; having more responsibility means even a small mistake can lead to being replaced. Moreover, the higher the salary one receives, the greater the quality and productivity expected from them, meaning employees in large companies need to work significantly harder. This can sometimes result in mental and physical health issues. Beyond constant pressure and strained health, large company workers may suffer from a lack of time for their family and personal lives. Heavy workloads and increased responsibilities often require employees to stay late at the workplace. In Uzbekistan, for instance, bank staff face excessive workloads at year-end or before holiday periods, sometimes staying at the office overnight. As a result, they cannot spend enough time with their family members or even on self-care in extreme cases.

Overall, while working for large businesses can be far superior in terms of career advancement and financial gain, it also comes with increased pressure and the possibility of having less time for other aspects of life.

359 words.

What makes this essay Band 7.5-8.0 are:#GoodTaskResponse#GoodCoherenceAndCohesion#AttentionToDetail🗣️*

✈️ @joseph_school

Hey, folks. I’m going to share with you three essays for the same topic so that you can see subtle differences between high-level essays. 🔝

Below is a topic: ⬇️

☕️ My report:

*The two pie charts show the percentage share of five sources in energy production in France in 1995 and ten years later.

Notably, of the five kinds, coal and gas were by far the most used energy sources in the country, together accounting for well over half of the total energy supply. Both grew around 1 percentage point between the two years, with the former rising to almost 31 and the latter to over 30 percent. These were substantial figures compared to the rest at the time. For example, petro, which came in third spot in both years, accounted for below 20 percent only in 2005, having seen a considerable decline from its initial level (over 29 percent).

Meanwhile, nuclear and other sources represented the fastest growth in the chart: the country saw nuclear energy production grow significantly, from over 6 to 10 percent, over the period. Other sources were a distant last in 1995, having been used for less than 5 percent of energy, but saw nearly a twofold growth over the following decade, to reach more than 9 percent.

Overall, France produced most of its energy using coal and gas, with the figures even increasing between the two years. Meanwhile, the least used nuclear and other sources are noticeable having shown the fastest growth in their usage, whereas only in the figure for petro was there a considerable decline over the period.*

234 words.

? @joseph_school

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