yop

ㅤ

«No deja de parecerme irrisorio y sorprendente donar siete horas de mi día, donarlas así, sabiendo que la muerte existe, y muchas cosas hermosas existen, y muchas cosas terribles, y trabajar así*, como si no pasara nada, como si uno no viniera a la tierra por un tiempo breve».

Cartas a León Ostrov,
Alejandra Pizarnik.*

i want my cake on a silver platter,
i want a fistful in my hands,
i want a beautiful boy’s despondent laughter,
i wanna ruin all my plans,
i want a fist around my throat,
i wanna cry so hard i choke,
I WANT EVERYTHING I ASKED FOR.

ㅤ
ㅤ*it’s been a long, long time since
ㅤi’ve memorized your face
ㅤ it’s been four hours now since
ㅤi’ve wandered through your place
ㅤand when I sleep on your couch,
ㅤI feel very safe
ㅤand when you bring the blankets,
ㅤI cover up my face

ㅤI do love you
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤI do, love you

ㅤand when you play guitar, I listen
ㅤto the strings buzz
ㅤthe metal vibrates underneath
ㅤyour fingers
ㅤand when you crochet, I feel
ㅤmesmerized and proud
ㅤand I would say I love you,
ㅤbut saying it out loud is hard
ㅤso I won’t say it at all
ㅤand I won’t stay very long

ㅤbut you are the life I needed
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤall along
ㅤi think of you as my brother
ㅤalthough that sounds dumb
ㅤand words are futile devices

ㅤ*