so, reasons why i can't draw:

- i'm telling myself that i can't draw
- i'm telling myself that i suck at drawing
- i'm telling myself that i'm lazy and don't know basics
- i'm telling myself that all my ideas are dumb
- i'm telling myself that every artist i know hates my pics (people either lying to me or saying nothing which equals hating)
- i'm beating myself up every time i'm not drawing
- i'm beating myself up every time i AM drawing
- commissions at this point deeply connected with guilt and shame because i'm slow and refuse to half-ass things
- i'm EXTREMELY jealous of every artist who can draw and post things, i borderline hate them and can't look at pics i like

feels like it's not a good environment for creating anything

what can i do with this:
- notice moments when i can draw
- notice moments when i like what i draw? even if it's one good line out of a whole pic
- allow myself to be lazy and draw anatomically incorrect things. treat myself with anatomy books or other learning resources (learning=game=fun)
- allow myself to have bad and stupid ideas. maybe even consider ideas neutral
- don't know what to do with this one. maybe it's not even about hate, because hate is a connection and i feel like i'm so mediocre, that people consider me not relevant at all. maybe i need to collect all the times people say my art is good? so there is a statistics or whatever. maybe i need to dig into why i even care.
- allow myself not to draw
- allow myself to draw silly stupid things. it's fine, i like silly stupid things. (but what my followers will say????!! they'll say "thank you for the food" or will press unsubscribe and both of these actions are not really about me)
- everything is in a slow mode rn and i'm trying to imagine myself as a customer. literally no one is rushing me and all of them are very gentle (i can't be grateful enough, i have THE BEST customers)
- don't know what to do about this one as well. i feel small. i'm not sure if unsubscribing form everyone will help, because i keep coming back. feels like this will go away only when i'll start having fun with my art again.

other things i can do:
- draw ugly sketches (hard, i'm just sitting with a sketchbook in hands and staring into the wall)
- write down ideas (adhd is NOT helping me with it and i'm loosing notes all the time)
- redraw things i like
- try not to rush myself, don't put a deadline on personal projects
- shrooms (last time i was able to draw on shrooms only after i allowed myself to smile. honestly i was able to do anything after it)
- find another hobby
- stop trying to monetize everything
- talk to other artists and maybe draw together for fun (scary)
- try to dig dipper into why i started drawing for myself in the first place

😕

got scared that my dog is gonna speak and it will break the game (thanks weed)

so i got my hands on some family archive footage and now can't stop thinking about the fact that my dad looks and acts like nathan fielder there

explains a lot about me honestly

she/he btw

is it bad that i call my character "child" if i plan to draw porn with them? ?
THEY ARE ALL 18+

please recommend me your fave 2-3+ hour-long video essay i need to work ?
the longer the better

perfect if it's something niche and media-related and not too depressive

(i know i always have jerma to back me up but i always start to talk with him and laugh too much... not exactly a focused work environment)

???

I love kikuo so muuuuuch
(my first weeb gig ?)

oh no I forgot