Too many times in my life i have fought for the wrong thing. you'll know when it happens because it eats at you when you sleep, but you fucking swear it's good for you. you want to make it easier but it is hard to replace the feeling of being needed no matter how much it hurts you. you were placed into this life without reason or purpose. we are behind the "why" for both of those. we choose our fate as much as it chooses us. we will always have a say in how we go and when it arrives, we find the best out of each scenario. i have had trouble coming to terms with my "why" and how it took this long for me to be good enough at what i love to make a difference. this is such a wicked world we walk in that we forget how beauty changes faces in a blink of an eye. what i have come to learn is that what you think is beautiful, is still beautiful tomorrow. we may not believe it, but the only thing that changes are opinions of those who are looking for something different while having the best of what the universe offers today. i hurry back to the beginning of where i found myself when i feel the world folding around me. sometimes i make it in time and other times i am made to wait for the chance to see it. but that's what we all do in a crisis. we either attack it head on without putting it in the hands of the unknown or we fucking take cover and hold on for as long as we can until it leaves so we can go out and assess what needs to take place next. life is all about the little things. i have remembered more of those than the biggest parts of my life. the memory that shapes you is the lineage you make with your soul. once it is disconnected, you forfeit your turn, and you're stuck in the middle of something ordinary and something with a little extra. my major in college before i dropped out was psychology. i crave the deepest parts of the spectrum and it is there i find the most of who i am. i don't confess to know love or that love knows me. i am empty and full at the same time. i am forever searching for a space full of broken parts and lost memory to turn into my next feeling. poetry is messy, quirky, and resilient. it is one of the few tangible pieces of earth i can hold and it holds me better than most humans who have tried to put their arms around a planet colliding with itself day after day. i am far from who i want to be, but i am constantly providing reasons to explore beneath the surface others have trouble comprehending. what lies underneath the garbage and layers of abandonment are the stories we are too fucking scared to tell. i want more than to be afraid of what might be. i want to awaken the dead inside of me. i never get lost... i just get free.

It's comforting to believe that everything happens for a reason (and a lot of the time this does prove to be true) but sometimes heartbreaking things can happen and it seems like there is no possible way to explain the situation, or reason with it-not right now anyway. Situations arise sometimes that simply just do not make sense. You may find yourself asking "how could something like this happen to someone like me?" or "why do bad things happen to good people?" or "why wasn't I enough?" While you may search for a meaning or a reason behind this pain, its important to remember that sometimes there is no reason, sometimes things don't happen for a reason at all.

Maybe you did nothing to deserve this, maybe you won't find a reason this time, maybe you were always enough. Sometimes life can be cruel, even to the kindest hearts and the softest souls on this planet. But oh my, life can also be beautiful. So, so beautiful. Please remember that there is always sunshine after the rain, light after the dark. If you can't find a reason for your pain right now—at least have trust that better things are on their way to you, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

Always know that day by day, little by little, your heart is healing and getting ready to let all the goodness radiate back towards you. Beautiful things are coming, please keep your heart open to them, and above all, please believe that you deserve it all.

It hits you one day; that what once plagued your mental health doesn't have the same power over you, it once did. You realize you're through the fiery hell you used to burn in. Remember when that energy shifted? When you wanted better quality of experience for yourself? It's ok to look back over the time it took to get here. To examine all the things you've overcome, that you once doubted you could. How while going through it, all the little steps you took seemed insignificant. But now added together, they have significantly changed your life. Be proud for staying persistent in claiming a healthy well being. For maintaining it. Forgive yourself for every time you fell back into the slow rock of misery. Because every time you did you needed it less and less. Honour every time you wanted to give up and give in, but stayed true to the course instead. Know that the measures you took to enrich your life, are a beautiful combination unique to you alone. It isn't easy, it is very hard work to maintain exponential growth. But, you're doing it. My God are you doing it. It didn't happen over night, but you woke up to 'someday' finally being here. All because you made the decision a long time ago to take the first small step towards being your best self. Keep going sweet soul. There are many more 'one days' to come.

@peaceandquietude

"Tell me, why are you still overthinking something that has already happened? What's done is done. You can't go back in time to change anything. So why keep yourself trapped in this never ending cycle of thinking the same thoughts? I need you to let go because it's holding you back."
"Our only limitation is our mind. Once we learn how to control it our potential becomes limitless."
"Please forgive yourself, forgive yourself for not working out, for drinking away your sadness, for eating too much that day. Your body hears what you say to it. Be kinder darling, love yourself even when it's the last thing you want to do."
"When life knocks you down, don't say "why me?" Say "try me." Your adversity is molding you into a monster. Welcome it."
"Set the bar high for yourself or don't set one at all. You'd be surprised what you're capable of."
"This me universe is not in a hurry. You are. That's why you're tired, anxious, and stressed. Trust that whatever is meant to be yours, already is. Allow the universe room to work, and the path will reveal itself. Those who flow as the universe flows, knows they need no other force."
"You made a plan and it failed? Who cares, try again. Got in a relationship and it failed? Who cares. Try again. Lost money trying something new? Who cares, try again. Fell off your gym Roy time? Who cares. Try again."
"To attract better. You have to become better yourself. You can't do the same things and expect change. You can't blame anyone or anything. It's time to take responsibility for your reality. Start transforming your mindset. Start upgrading your habits. Start being more positive."

You are braver than most. For in a world where it is cool to be cold, it is not easy to always be the one who cares the most. When you walk into the world with an open heart, you must be prepared to bleed for your courage. For there are so many people with sharp edges that will cut you deeply when you attempt to piece them back together. There are so many places that seem too harsh and too gray for someone with as soft a gaze as you.

You are stronger than most. For no matter how many times you have been let down, how many times you have searched for yourself in others and found nothing, you refuse to give up. It requires strength to keep taking another step, even if you don't know if you're on the right way. There is nothing more powerful than to keep giving, even if you are promised nothing in return.

You are softer than most. More vulnerable, yes, but also more resilient. You have a tendency to see the beauty, even in endings. You have a way of planting seeds in your wounds to one day raise a garden. You allow the world to touch you, to paint you, to even change you, yet you stay so authentic. Wherever your path leads you, hold on to this.
Your bravery. Your strength. Your softness.

For the world needs it. And you wouldn't be you without it.

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty everyday, and if you can source your life on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the moon. It doesn't interest me where you live or how much money you have. I want to know I you can get up after a night of grief and despair. weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know it you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

"Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don't even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening. Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed."