Estranged

*Today, once again,
all of it came back to me—
the memories,
the shattered pieces
I could no longer keep with me,
because they pricked my heart.

I always tried
not to let go of you,
of our bond,
but all of it
is unbearable for me.
I can't do it anymore.

It was beautiful in the start.
I was happy back then,
but now it’s just me.
I feel lonely even in a crowd.
I know so many,
yet I feel estranged,
every time.

I thought it would last long,
but seeing you now,
I realize it was me
carrying it all—
and nobody else.

You never cared for me.
Or did you?
I can't figure it out anymore.
Tears fall without reason,
and I don't know why
I’m even writing this.

I’ve been hurt
so many times,
I’ve lost count.

Not anymore.
I will piece myself together.
Without you.*

- Anushka

#freeverse #musings

The Blur of Knowing

*I don’t know,
I'm struggling to answer,
It's like an existential crisis,
but I’m not sure what it’s about.

Now that my glasses are off,
I see they blurred my vision.
I believed in things
that were never there,
or only from my side.

But now,
I don’t know.
Friendships are strange.
You never know
if they’re real,
you might say you do,
but do you really?

Friendships feel like fog—
sometimes real,
sometimes imagined.
Do we ever know
who sees us clearly?

All I’ve realized
is that it’s okay
to be with yourself.
You might not be
anyone’s first,
or even second,
and that’s fine,
because you were never
competing in the first place.

I might say all this,
but we know,
realization and acceptance
are not the same.
I can say it all,
yet not accept any of it.

Right now,
I have no conclusion,
but I hope
to find the answer soon.*

- Anushka#longform #musings

Shattered Echoes
 It was tragic, a tragic romance,
She fell for him, too quickly entranced.
But did he return her love?
When he did, it was too late.

The days, the nights, longing for him,
A sadness only she could swim.
The lights were closing in on her,
Perhaps she started liking the dimness somewhere.

Now that only it was everywhere,
Pining for years, everything a blur,
Only to learn they were never meant to be.
Her heart shattered, in pieces too small to see.
- Anushka

#freeverse #musings

Shattered and Unbroken

*The ground was shaking,
My heart's pounding,
Asking for release,
Yet I couldn't give in.
All the pieces, though broken, were still me.
My soul.

It asked me to say something,
But I couldn't utter a word.
My thoughts were spiraling,
I seemed confused,
But I knew one thing for sure:
Who I am.
I could still shine through.

I just needed something, someone,
To pierce through the darkness.
To illuminate my path,
To become my lightbearer.*

- Anushka

#freeverse #micropoetry

Draft • 04

The efforts were always from my side..
For once I am expecting something from you
For now it's your choice
To stay or let go..

- Anushka
.
.
#musings

Strings of Fate

*Apparently, My Words Weren't Enough.
My Truths, My Lies,
My Perfections, My Imperfections
All Felt Heavy at the Same Moment.

Is This How It Feels?
To Be Overwhelmed by Darkness,
To Have Drowned So Deeply
That You Cannot See the Light Anymore.

So It All Began That Day
When I Met You,
Accidentally, or Perhaps Not.

Will I Say It Was Bad That I Met You?
No, Perhaps Not.
Destiny Won't Change.
I Do Believe in That—
That the Strings Will Pull Us Together.

But My String Wasn't Attached to You.
- Anushka*

#freeverse #longform

Consumed by Darkness

*Was it my will?
Ever?

This all feels real now,
I can't hold up now.
The darkness in your eyes,
Prying on me,
Seeking me.

You always said
I was your light,
But it seems
Your darkness wants to consume me.
Your scars are burning right through me.

All my efforts are in vain now.
I want what you want.
I know things caused you to become this,
But I still want you back,
Even with all the darkness.
- Anushka*#freeverse #longform

In the Shadows of Existence

I've never been the first or the second,
Not in any terms.
Life, people, priorities—
Always the last, perhaps.

*But now, I've come to terms with this.
No longer chasing shadows.
Why should I?
When in my own heart, my priorities I embrace.

I am restless every moment,
Finding no reprieve.
Today, sadness grips my soul,
And I am left wondering,
Lost in a silent crowd.

I've always been overlooked.
Just like the sun against the moon,
Like a mere speck of dust,
Dissolving in the oblivion of monsoon.
Am I truly insignificant,
Or is my existence undefined?
In this moment of contemplation,
I hope to find it.- Anushka*

#freeverse #longform

कुछ पहलु जीवन के

हम सब जूझ रहे हैं अपने जीवन में।
किसी से पढ़ाई नहीं हो रही,
तो किसी से अभिनय नहीं हो रहा।
कोई जीवन के उद्देश्य को नहीं समझ पा रहा,
तो कोई वो समझकर भी रास्ता नहीं ढूंढ़ पा रहा।
और अगर कोई रास्ता ढूंढ़ ले रहा है
तो वह मंज़िल तक नहीं पहुंच पा रहा।
तो सवाल केवल एक है,
कि क्यों?
क्यों हमें कुछ मिल नहीं पा रहा?
क्या कमी हम में है?
या वह होना लिखा ही नहीं है?
और यदि वो हो जाता है तो क्या?
आगे का कुछ सोचा है ?
हम अक्सर आज में इतने मग्न हो जाते हैं
कि आगे क्या करना यह कुछ भूल से जाते हैं।
हम सब में एक कलाकार हैं।
हम सबकी एक कहानी है।
कुछ कह जाते हैं।
कुछ लिख जाते हैं।
तो कुछ बिना कुछ कहे सब जता जाते हैं।
आखिर हुनर तो उनमे ही है
जो बिना कुछ कहे सब कह जाते हैं।

- अनुष्का

#hindilekh #longform