Nip the Buds, Shoot the Kids

read this after reading Nip The Buds, Shoot The Kids by Kenzaburo Ōe which was awful for my psyche but also incredibly moving although i enjoyed A Personal Matter more overall — whenever i read Japanese Literature or Latin American Literature i feel awful for only being able to read the translated version

Bezoar

Glamorama

Also reread glamorama. I predict its gonna receive the secret history treatment sometime in the future or maybe it lost its chance bc it wasnt noticed during the american psycho surge in 2020. Women will woobify Victor Ward. I will never read the shards ?? posting on twitter, boyfriend arrested for robbery, charges for his podcast now, norm macdonald ended him etc

“Your worst sin is that you have sucked and fucked yourself for nothing. “

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Welcome back

From the twilight of day till the twilight of evening, a leopard, in the last years of the thirteenth century, would see some wooden planks, some vertical iron bars, men and women who changed, a wall and perhaps a stone gutter filled with dry leaves. He did…

From the twilight of day till the twilight of evening, a leopard, in the last years of the thirteenth century, would see some wooden planks, some vertical iron bars, men and women who changed, a wall and perhaps a stone gutter filled with dry leaves. He did not know, could not know, that he longed for love and cruelty and the hot pleasure of tearing things to pieces and the wind carrying the scent of a deer, but something suffocated and rebelled within him and God spoke to him in a dream: “You live and will die in this prison so that a man I know of may see you a certain number of times and not forget you and place your figure and symbol in a poem which has its precise place in the scheme of the universe. You suffer captivity, but you will have given a word to the poem.”

God, in the dream, illumined the animal’s brutishness and the animal understood these reasons and accepted his destiny, but, when he awoke, there was in him only an obscure resignation, a valorous ignorance, for the machinery of the world is much too complex for the simplicity of a beast.

Years later, Dante was dying in Ravenna, as unjustified and as lonely as any other man. In a dream, God declared to him the secret purpose of his life and work; Dante, in wonderment, knew at last who and what he was and blessed the bitterness of his life. Tradition relates that, upon waking, he felt that he had received and lost an infinite thing, something that he would not be able to recuperate or even glimpse, for the machinery of the world is much too complex for the simplicity of men.